July 25, 2016

After Morning Prayer at St. Gregory I wandered around for about a half hour looking for a restaurant I saw yesterday and wanted to try for breakfast. I thought it was down the Texas Street hill where I’m staying, but it was at the end of De Haro Street at 16^th Street down the hill from the church. I walked in a circle then said to myself (out loud), “I’m funny!” I like getting lost because I discover things that are there all the time but I probably would never see like the giant kale in the community garden at Lincoln Park. This kale had trunks, like tree trunks; the cool foggy summer weather is the ideal growing conditions and it must grow as a perennial getting bigger and bigger each passing year. I also discovered that 17^th Street between Texas and Carolina (I think) has a bustling little market district. And I saw a banner for the San Francisco Craft Design Museum, which I must check out and a Mediterranean restaurant that looks good, and many people bustling off to work and I wondered where each one was going.

After I found the restaurant I was looking for—a neighborhood breakfast/lunch diner I ordered a gluten free waffle—they have gluten free waffles—yippee! I love waffles and haven’t had one since leaving Stillwater over a month ago. Waffles are a food group in our house right behind butter, garlic, and bacon—I ordered a side of bacon with my waffle—heaven in San Francisco this morning! The girl sitting at the table next to me ordered French fries for breakfast—good idea, I love French fries!

When I sat down there was only one other person in the diner so I had my pick of seats and sat in a sunny corner the best spot for people watching and a quiet place to think and write. Despite the plethora of empty tables, a family sat down at the table right next to me. There must be something about people being drawn to other people—the need for us to congregate in solidarity against the isolation of the world despite the fact that they will probably not talk with me. Yet, I found it comforting that they chose that particular spot for no other reason than I suddenly did not feel so alone. I love people! The previous people vacated and now a dad and his two young boys are sitting next to me. It is a good day!

Been thinking a lot about prayer these last few days. I’ve been saying the Daily Morning Prayer (BCP) for a few years and have to confess that I still struggle with the Psalms not because I don’t like them but because I can’t pay attention. I usually like the first few stanzas and say to myself, this is beautiful, I want to remember this one, and then the next thing I know I’ve read the whole thing but have nothing but my grocery list floating around in my head. How can I read something while at the same time think about how much reading I have to do or the paper I have to write or what I want to eat for dinner? I don’t get it. Same thing happened this morning except we were singing the Psalms and I checked out a few seconds in and started going over bus lines to get to the SF MoMA all the while singing. I just don’t get it. The little (she’s actually big and scary) critic in me thinks there is something wrong with me. Is there something wrong with me? Why am I so distracted? Overactive imagination? Bus lines are hardly imaginative.

Ernesto, Elena, Benjamin, and Dreamer left in in San Francisco about a week ago and I still feel like someone ripped my heart out. Have I already said this 10 times? I have never been apart from them for so long and I miss them so much. I see things that I want to show them or think of things I want to tell them or I want to watch a movie with Benjamin or listen to Elena talk about school and friends and take Dreamer for a walk or have Ernesto tell me I’m cute and sweet. Who ever thought I could miss a dog so much—she is my constant companion. OK, true confession time—I even miss my chickens at home not to mention my cats and Elena’s rabbits, and I miss my garden and my kitchen. I’m a little homesick!

It’s been nice to be at St. Gregory and to be participating in a faith community and practicing my faith. Being in seminary I read so much about faith, religion, and theology that it becomes abstract and theoretical instead of something I am or something I do. I sometimes entertain the idea of a doctorate because I love to study so much but it has been clear the last few weeks that whatever I decide to do I need to participate in a faith community and God willing participate as a leader in a faith community.

There were other random thoughts and pondering…art and how much I need to create and partake of it…Benjamin’s question of the day: what would I take on a trip during the zombie apocalypse?…how much I enjoy texting with Elena…how imaginative Benjamin is…I wish I could be half as imaginative as that kids…is thinking about my family and friends prayer?…why can’t I find the Accordance software I downloaded before I left home?…that is really bothering me…how can we not confine God by naming God?…I’m reading too much Derrida…I need to mail Livia’s birthday present…it is foggy this morning…I love the orange jacket I found at Goodwill before I left…I’m so mundane and shallow sometimes…is this man homeless?…what is prayer?…these waffles have a lot of corn flour in them…the couple sitting across from me just started dating…they are cute…does that guy ike working for SF Parks?…why are they tearing down that building?…I hope no one is reading this ridiculous list that occupies my brain…time to move on and get some other stuff done…is any of this prayer?…what is prayer?…God???….

Elena just texted me and they are at Voodoo Doughnuts in Denver, Colorado. I asked her if they handed out pins to poke the doughnuts with and when she said no, I asked way and told her to tell them they needed to come with pins. Then I told her not to hurt anyone too badly. Voodoo Doughnuts…I want a t-shirt.